March 10, 2011 (2 Samuel 13-18)

The first part of David's life is all about his faith in God - how he gave God credit for all the things he did as a shepherd; how he trusted God to deliver him from Goliath; how he trusted God to protect him when Saul was chasing after him; how he wouldn't kill Saul because of his fear of God's word 'to not touch the Lord's annointed'; of him recognizing that the plunder they took when they defeated enemies was really from God; of his desire to build a temple for God.

And then, the big sins. Adultery. Murder. And these remaining chapters seem to be the story of a man who lost his confidence. Of a man that perhaps wasn't really sure of the Lord's forgiveness even though Nathan the prophet had said "Yes, the Lord has forgiven you, and you won't die for this sin.' But previously he had been told, "From this time on, the sword will be a constant threat to your family, because you have despised me by taking Uriah's wife to be your own." There would be no more peace in David's lifetime.

And here are the events in the chapters immediately following David's sin:
First of all, one of David's sons rapes his half-sister, Tamar. David was angry, but does nothing.
Absalom, Tamar's brother, kills the half-brother who raped his sister. David mourned many days, but does nothing.
Absalom flees, and after some time, David longs to be reunited with him. He is brought back to Jerusalem, but David does not want to see him, and has said he must never come into his presence.
Absalom rebels, steals the hearts of David's followers and sets himself up as king. He comes back to invade Jerusalem, and instead of David fighting for his rights and his dynasty, he flees.
Absalom sleeps with all David's concubines that didn't leave the city, bringing great shame to his father.
David instructs his army to fight Absalom and his army, but he asks them to deal gently with Absalom.
Absalom is killed and David mourns, bringing great distress to his army.

All of this brings a great amount of 'sadness' to me. It seems as if David was operating apart from an awareness of God's love for him and apart from a relationship with Him.  In these chapters I never really saw him pray to God. This one verse is telling:

^15:25 Then the king instructed Zadok to take the Ark of God back into the city. “If the Lord sees fit,” David said, “he will bring me back to see the Ark and the Tabernacle again. ²⁶ But if he is through with me, then let him do what seems best to him.”

He had no confidence in the Lord and therefore had no confidence in himself.

There was a time when I felt this way. I had sinned deeply against God and had no confidence in myself or in the fact that God still could love me. I didn't want to live anymore. I wanted to die. I wanted God to kill me because I didn't have the guts to take my own life. I continued to read His Word, but did so only because I knew I should, not because I was getting anything out of it. But then I read this verse:

2 Samuel 14:14 - "But God does not take away life. Instead He devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from Him."

I wish David could have read words like those. Those words were what 'brought me back' - those words were from God to me. I heard Him speak. I heard Him tell me He still loved me. I heard Him tell me He wanted to walk with me again. And I believed Him.